I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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