I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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