Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
