why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
