like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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