you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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