Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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