Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
