The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
