We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
