this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
