the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
