hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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