Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
