Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Semen is not good for contacts.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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