I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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