he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
