You smell like stripper and shame
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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