is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
