Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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