I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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