I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
