he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I will be naked everywhere
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
