is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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