i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
