And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
