I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found the puke drawer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
