i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
