I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
