Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the raccoons are back...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
