you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
