The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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