On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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