You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
