so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
