I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
