i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
