is your mom at the bar?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Too much gin, very little bucket
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
