32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
