I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We got so high we made milksteak
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You can't just leave with hair like that
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I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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