It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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