i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
