Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
