You really coming over, don't trick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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