overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
