why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
