I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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