So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
