I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
