I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
