Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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