Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
