So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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