textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
