So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
