i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
