I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
