He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
