nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
