last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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