can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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