I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
