It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
