You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
