if you like me you must not know who I am
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
