new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
