non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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