Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
