You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
only if we run a train.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
These tits shall not be calmed