wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
